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Saturday, December 16

I missed secondary sch days. I miss all the teases i usually get from the boys, oh well pretty much from the boys, ok perhaps some from the girls too. "Hey you srilanka!", said them. Could i blame them for saying all tat? No of course. I was in fact dark. Could u blame me too? Of course yes, bcos i chose not to put on sunblock lotion wen i go camping and kayaking. I usually kept myself from thinking abt it. However, it's hard wen the voices keep coming. But i've always feel contented wenever i recall arwah atuk. I used to pour my feelings to atuk and he always manages to comfort me by singing this tradisional song "hitam manis hey hitam manis pandang tak jemu ku pandang tk jemu!" I miss you atuk!
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I'm still feeling fatty. In fact, i'm fat. For my height, i'm considered OW. I super need someone harsh. To tell me off. To say i'm fat n ugly. To drill me. To say TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF NANA! Perhaps i should not be friendly to any. I need to collect more enemies. Besides, i really think tat your foes are your best advisors. Bcos they tell u the TRUTH. Oh come on, will your bestie tell you "Hey, go shed off some fats of yours, bitch!"
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Why get married wen you tend to stray? Why get into a relationship if you still wanna fish for more new fishes? I dont get it. Not even a piece of it. Marriage aint a game. It's a lifetime commitment. I dont understand why they are so able to easily change their partners from time to time. Kalau dulu i love you la i willing to die for you lar... then after a period of time say 3 mths.. tros dgn senang2 je transfer to another person. Isnt it supposed to come from the heart?
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I kept wondering why i just cannot meet any proper mamat malay singaporean man? All those i bumped into are jerks 3rd bus. They either use you or make use of you. Oh! Does it make any difference? Duh~ If you ask me wat's love? I'll answer you, family and friends. You know, i've never failed to have this mindset : if one day there is a man who truly made for me who truly cherish me, boy! he has to work double hard to make me fall and of course on my part, i will have to work triple harder to trust him. Now, do u get it why until now i'm still single and not available?
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I've always hated answering qns from friends and relatives on why i'm still single and why i'm not searching, bla bla. Come on, just bcos my other siblings got themselves partners, is it a must for me to have one too? Of course, i have choices. I can always find myself a bf. But, for wat? I dont wanna lie to myself. Most importantly, i dont wanna to hurt n get hurt.
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"you are sitting like a withered flower, surrounded by all these fabulous ppl, then a man comes to you and holds your shoulder, gently touches your hair and walks you home.
Fairytales aint for children, aint for adults too. Tho created by an adult, personally, this adult is stupid. Plain stupid! Why must it always end with "happily ever after"?? Isnt life full of ups and down? I tot since created, besides fame n popularity, it also have made a lot of adults growing young girls CONFUSED. Crap aint it? Agree?!?

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